Bliss

Not very often am I at a loss for words. And maybe by the time I finish writing I will remember the word that I am looking for. You see, the word roamed around my head on Friday afternoon after I returned to my room, 150 4A East, because I had been away from this place. For 24 hours Theo and I had use of the ILU, the Independent Living Unit, here at Parkwood. The space was designed to be wheelchair accessible, where patients and their loved one(s) could come and stay and try out their new way of living. There are lots of great reasons to use this little apartment: you don't have to go far, it's free, it's accessible, and you can call a nurse if you need one.

Sidebar - "little apartment" is quite literal, Theo felt like a giant, able to see on top of all of the high cupboards and bent in half to do dishes over the sink. I, however, was able to reach things and sit at a counter that was the proper height for my wheelchair. I choose not to do dishes :) In order to make our trial run more authentic we decided that I should be in a manual chair, so I parked my power chair and rolled myself to the ILU. By the end of our 24 hours I was exhausted from pushing my own chair, especially because it weighs a tonne and the wheels don't roll straight (a rental) - and I have had a power chair for the past month...it's made me soft.

I went into this 24 hour "get away" with a lot of stuff running through my mind. It was a first date (but without the movie (Forrest Gump)), except this was one with a lot of baggage. For almost two months we have been living apart, trying to figure out how to deal with our new reality, talking on the phone, texting, visiting in my not-very-private space, usually with the kids. I actually was a bit anxious about it all, wondering what we would talk about, and how things would work out.

Of course I need not have been worried, it was great. We had leftovers for dinner (a completely normal thing for us), we talked while we ate, we lounged and we reconnected. It was exactly what we needed. To prove to ourselves that we were okay, and that we would be okay. I am broken, we are not. In the morning we listened to CBC while we ate oatmeal (also completely normal). We managed all my care, my medications and even a shower without incident and no need to call for help. It confirmed in my mind that I am ready to go home and it established for Theo that the idea was possible and practical. In 26 days I will be discharged - but I hope to get home for a weekend before that. What better way to work out the bugs but to try it out first, just for a short time? So we will - hopefully next weekend - stay tuned.

That word? Still can't find it. But it had something to do with the peacefulness of our time together. We settled into our comfortable rhythm without the constant drone of patients, nurses, bells and televisions to interfer. It was bliss, but I didn't realize how blissful it was until it was gone. I was back in my room, with the people and the bells and it seemed to be a thousand times louder than ever before. And Theo was gone, which made me sad. But I was comforted by the time that we had together and knew that soon it will not just be for 24 hours.


Finally took the plastic cover off my webcam on my chromebook! I have a new haircut and colour that I love and you can see my room in the background.

Tonight I wrote while so many friend were at the concert in Lucknow. Thank you Natalie Irwin and all the others that made it happen. I wish I could have been there, I love you all for what you did to put it together and for all your wonderful music. You always made me cry at assemblies...you had the same effect on me tonight - I heard some of it live and can't wait to see the recording.